I love desi get-togethers. They are the best zing that happened to mankind and human civilization after man climbed down from the trees or swam to the shores from the oceans. To keep myself properly motivated in life, I ensure I get invited to a few desi get-togethers every month or so.
You know how you end up with one cross-section after a not-so-healthy gap and people stand in a circle or a semi-circle exchanging words, when the old question pops up: "Where did you say you work? Sorry I know you told me the last time, I forgot".
"XYZ".
Ok.
Next month. Same crowd. Same question.
Gulp.
"Excuse me, you work for ABC right?"
"Right. I work for the same place I used to last month", I answer.
"How does it ever matter you infertile sod?" is how I itch to counter it though.
Before you can react further, a fellow desi with abundant nervous energy would definitely chime in. "He works for XYZ. Right Anand?". Having said that, he would sort of start in mid air, eyes twinkling, waiting for my reaction, proud at the display of amazingly high-definition memory and alertness and smartness.
Right. "Thanks so much you obnoxious bull". I gulp some coke. My wan smile issues itself and I reply "Yup...same old.".
First desi : "Ah I see...nice. I forgot. Really cannot remember where everyone works right?".
I slink away into my coke, my ego hairbrushed away nicely into bits and bytes by this display of attention. Why can't this moron get his drink and be happy for a bit? Why was it so supremely important for him to know where I worked. I do some internal calculations but cannot come up with an instantaneous, plausible answer. I store away this amazing problem to be worked out later. As soon as I reach home. The first priority is to escape from this hole, unscratched.
"Bhai, don't mind..", he comes after me.
"For some reason I keep thinking you work for Microsoft. You know Rosta na, from Goa? His brother works for M$ at Redmond." The fellow takes a second to beam.
"And you know Gayatri? Her husband used to work there too."
"Oh really?". I have no clue who this Gayatri is/was. "Nice! That is very nice".
We desis always know someone who works for Microsoft or IBM or Hewlett-Packard or the White House. If it is not one of those, we always know someone who is related to Shah Rukh Khan or who knows Abhishek Bachchan. If not that, then we definitely know someone with a sister who had studied with Aishwarya Rai nee Bachchan. If all of the above possibilities fail in a sinister plot by the stars or the moon phases, then we know someone who is related to Vajpayee or Advani or Mittal or the Dravids, Tendulkars, Gangulys or the Sehwags. We are desis you see. And what better vantage point to display this enormous network of connections than a desi party. Collect all information and dump it thumpingly, proudly on unsuspecting fellow-desis who have no connections in the world at all. Whee! We are desis you see.
"So tell me...how is business. You guys are also a pretty big company na..Number 3 in IT na?".
Gaaaawwwwwd.
How do you explain a 10 billion enterprise database business market to a moron in a minute?
"No yaa...they are No.1 in IT", the other guy clarifies.
"Oh good...things are good. They are too good to be true". You really don't want to answer at this point because the cockroach is not actually listening. He will ask you a question to engage in conversation. I am extra careful now. You only need to mumble a few meaningless words to your Coke before the next question comes at you like a Shoaib ka bouncer. You duck or take it on your body : the next one will arrive before you have time to react.
I have noticed that often, my night is saved by the Knightess in Shining Armour at such parties. There will always be one breathless beauty that will arrive a couple of hours late for the party. But as soon as she enters, the cockroach will leave me in a microsecond and rush to her side. That is also usually the time I bless the angel and bolt for the door.
God made these angels not without reason. I often leave unfinished glasses of Coke at the parties I attend. Wish I had not wasted all that coke.
Oh, the regrets I carry.
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6 comments:
Hi...have no idea who you are, but your thought process is wonderful and your writing gorgeous :) Have become a fan of yours. Don't mind, but you have a girlfriend? Just asked :))
very nicely written...myself been in the US for 5 years, come back to india...and completely agree with wht u say abt these desi wkend parties in the usa...bakwaas hain saale sab...and trust me my frnd, tho u might feel u r the minority, u r completely right...to hell with all the pretentious ones partying their snobbishnss out.... liked ur leaving the unfinished glasses of coke...haha.
Priya, thanks for your very generous comment :) Cmon, I am just the tapori writer. Nothing like a serious writer sorts. But very glad you liked it.
To answer your question : much as I would prefer email, the answer is NO. But now am curious, do you see that influencing my writing in any manner? If having a girlfriend leads to improved literary skills, I shall promptly go find one today :)
Manish - thanks man. I am not that anti to these desi parties. Please don't get me wrong. Yet, the sheer frequency and abundance of these circus-like get-togethers probably do prove to be irritants of sorts. Honestly, not all can be bad. But the majority of them are probably meaningless sessions in excessive self-indulgence, bitching, pretense and braggadocio. My two cents :) No offense meant whatsoever though.
loved your style of writing. plz keep the posts coming. kya andaaz hain. where do u find the inspiration to write like this? which part of kolkata you from??? i loved this post especially, was so funny...loll.
Beautifully written..simply loved this one...the humor is subtle hence excellent.
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